No way out vs. possibility

It is very common for clients walking in my office to say to me that they feel trapped by their life and they just can’t seem to make the changes that they know they want to make. They say they want things to be different but they just don’t see how it is possible. Perhaps, you have found yourself thinking this way as well.
The bottom line is, that whether you are aware of it or not, everything that you have at this moment required that you followed a series of steps. Getting what you really want is no different. So….

The real question is: On what level can you make a change now? Regardless of the goal, or even if you do not clearly know what the goal is, there is almost always a step that can be taken to start the energy moving in the desired direction. This movement of energy should not be underestimated. It is the beginning –the first steps.  Below, there are five steps to get you moving when you are feeling stuck.

First steps for getting what you want:
Connect to what you want: Don’t worry about the specifics. Connect to the feeling of what you want, its essence, and how it will feel for you to have it be apart of your life. Become as aware as possible of this feeling.

Look for a mismatch. Look for any part of your life that is not in line with this desire. Of course, the more closely related this part of your life is to what you want, the more powerful the action will be. But, anything, and everything, is helpful.

Do it. Take action. The more stuck you feel, the less you should worry about what the action is and the more you should concern yourself with making sure you do something.

Pay attention. Pay close attention while you do it. This is key. In order to make a positive shift in your life, you want to follow the clues. These clues are found in the action itself and the feelings and thoughts connected to it. In other words, the awareness that you developed in the first step, when added to an action related to your goal, will result in insights.  These insights are clues that will show you the reason the goal has eluded you for so long, as well as, present opportunities for change.

Work with your insights to form your next steps. As you become more and more skillful at using this process, you will see more and more possibilities where you previously saw no way out.

Reconciling Anger and Love

The other day while talking to a friend, I found myself saying, “Have you ever met anyone who has done a lot of personal work who has not come to the conclusion that love is what it is all about?” I haven’t. However, I have been a part of enough spiritual communities to see that this basic understanding is frequently distorted. I have watched people strain to be only their preconceptions of what love is and lose sight of the whole and real experience of being human.

For quite some time, we have held the belief that to be spiritual meant ignoring the body and overcoming any emotion that was not deemed positive. What might at one time have been useful to us has in my opinion become a handicap. And while we may have overcome this belief to some extent, I believe that it still influences many of our relationships, organizations, and communities. Within some of these communities, we can see this belief in our attempts to stuff our anger and be nice rather than openhearted and honest.

Anger, however, is an essential part of our humanity and therefore our, in my opinion, spirituality.

Most of us have experienced anger that is devoid of love. It is the anger of abuse and prejudice. This anger says you have no right to exist -period. Once we set off on a healing path, we often make a vow that we will no longer engage in this type of thinking let alone any action that looks like anger. We even feel shame sometimes when we act this way.  We may strive to be loving and kind, sometimes we may even sacrifice in order to remain this way. This distance from anger can be wonderful and healing as we become less abusive to others and ourselves. However, it can also be detrimental when we take it to such an extreme that we try to eliminate anger and the essential role it plays in our humanness.

I see this as a response to many of the poor uses of anger over time. I believe that when anger is not acknowledged it becomes sublimated into aggression and dominance. When those feelings are externalized they are frequently prized by our culture but are a detriment to those involved when they are internalized they are frequently seen as depression and poor self-esteem. Spiritual practices have warned us about both but have infrequently spoken about how to work with anger.

Anger when used cleanly, is the expression that comes when a boundary is crossed. Anger is an important feeling that helps me be more aware. What we do with this anger and how we respond to this anger becomes a central issue in how our communities, businesses, and relationships grow. If anger is on the surface, meaning it is acknowledged and honored, it flickers like a flame telling us that there is danger if we cross and all the while asking us to appreciate the integrity of the affirmation of being. Anger offers an insight into the sacred essence, the integrity of the other, and demands that we honor it. This is a deeply sacred part of what it means to be alive.

Reconciling Passion and Balance

How do those who are deeply passionate about their work balance their lives? I have written a few articles on the topic of balance and could list several ways “to balance your life” but that does not seem to answer the deeper question that is being asked. This question I suspect is much more complicated than the basics of work/life balance.

I had someone say to me once that part of the root meaning of the word passion is to suffer. I suspect that those people who are truly passionate about what they do can relate to this definition of passion -to be passionate about something is to be consumed and driven by it. Where in this experience is the concept of balance? Passion might compel you to write at 3am in the morning and to work for days without showering, with little sleep, and with barely eating. This is not balance and this is not the work-alcoholism of the typical American that might be remedied by the standard concept of balance.

Anyone who has been passionately connected to his or her work knows that the self is not always maintained in process. The creative element that is a part of visioning and passionate action requires dissolution of the self. This makes it challenging to deeply understand what balance is all about under these circumstances.

However, if we substitute caring for ourselves in place of balance, we get a bit closer to something that might serve those of us who are so intimately connected with our passion. While balance might imply that we spend a certain amount of time doing separate activities, caring for ourselves implies that we are an essential part of our passionate work. If we are not healthy, then our work is not healthy either.

If we are not healthy then our work is not healthy.

Period and no exceptions.

While the metaphysics of this statement are intriguing, some questions will help us more in the end? How might your approach to work change if you looked at it from this fresh perspective? What would you being willing to settle for in terms of self-care?

Connection vs. Separation in Personal Growth

When we understand that we are not separate from our wants and needs, we are able to more competently and confidently create what we most deeply want.

Many of us have adopted a separatist view of our experience, when we could be better served by a holistic view. In a separatist view, everything is out of reach even to some degree what is right in our grasp. In other words, the object,  by virtue of it being held, is separate from our hand. In a holistic view, nothing is out of reach because everything is connected. A shift from one view to another can be very helpful in advancing our personal growth.

It is common for people, when they are using this separatist thinking, to put whatever they want outside of themselves. I want it; therefore, it is separate from me. The sense of separation only serves to support the current predicament. An experience of connection, on the other hand, changes a lot. For example, if you wants love, then:
A.    You can either look for sources of love outside of oneself, or
B.     You can learn to be love.
If your are love, then you no longer need love in the same way that you believed you needed it before. Once you have made this shift one time, you will recognize its significance.

This works equally well with abundance. If you are abundance, then you will not have the experience of reaching and stretching towards, for example, material achievement. You will simply be abundance. You will know that you will always have what you need and then some.

Reality check: People sometimes misuse this thinking. It is like their minds play tricks on them. For example, some people might try and believe that what I just wrote means that they can have everything that they want if they just “think” about it. Other people might think that if what I said were true, they would have their every whim. And, still other people might turn what I wrote into a belief that it is their fault when they are separate from things they most desire. None of these things are what I was saying.

Within the holistic view everything is within our realm of contact. Because of this, there are many ways in which solely our intention can effect material change. While this becomes less accurate the more material or physical the subject, it still remains on many levels true.

There is still a lot to learn about the nature of our connectedness. The subtleties are something still only barely understood by top thinkers and mystics. Even so, many of the most life changing aspects of this holistic perspective can be used to help us change our lives. So, perhaps just for the purposes of experimentation or to explore what I am saying, see what it is like to contain, hold, or experience the feeling of being what it is you want. How does it change your view of your desires?

Introduction

I am writing this blog for the people who are yearning for their souls to dance. I am writing for the people who feel the weight of their lives and their choices and in some fundamental way are concerned that this might be all that there is. I am starting this at a time when many people’s notions of security have been challenged, when the outlook that was once graciously positive is becoming ungraciously bleak. A time when many people’s incomes are threatened or have been lost, when it is becoming evident to more and more of us that what we have been doing up to now is no longer working. Many of us cannot continue on blindly and so there are challenges –challenges to open our eyes.

But, I do not write from a place of pessimism or of spiritual tyranny. I do not believe in tales of Armageddon –only tales of healing. However, from the perspective that there is healing, there is also sickness. And each and every one of us has experienced this sickness in some way. So, I am writing from a place of inspiration and love. I am hoping that my words will carry these messages through all of your resistances and into your depths and that once there they will reweave the splits that have become intrinsic to our experiences.

I offer my words and this space as a bridge connecting you to what your soul is reaching for. I will offer, tools, thoughts, and techniques for helping you along in your growth. I believe that you know what to do. I believe you know what is right for you and if and what type of healing you would like to see in your life. I offer my self in service of this healing, your healing, and our healing.